literally the best thing ever: playing hooky because you feel ishy

The COVID-19 pandemic has taken something objectively inconsequential from me, but the loss has been devastating, and that is the loss of taking a sick day when I feel exhausted and generally ishy.

Approximately one day per year, I wake up and decide that I Just Cannot Do This Anymore and also my tummy hurts a little bit. There is only one cure for this affliction, and it is calling in sick to work and staying in bed and watching sitcoms from the 90s while drinking Gatorade. It's a special treat, something to soothe your overwhelmed, on fire brain. Nothing heals like Malcolm in the Middle and ice blue electrolytes.

Unfortunately, this is impossible in the age of COVID. There is no way to say 'I feel ishy' without having to spend several unpaid days waiting for COVID test results to make sure your ish is not COVID. There is also no way to tell the truth, which is that you have unmedicated ADHD and sometimes you just need a day to let your overloaded brain relax, or you have chronic pelvic pain and are tired of working through it, or maybe your stomach hurts and the idea of spending all morning explaining to people that they can't check into the hostel until 4 makes you want to run to the woods and never come back. But you also cannot lie, because there is no possible lie that will not make it seem like you have COVID, yet will also be serious enough to warrant your sick day (earache?? maybe??). You just have to wake up and face the ennui of working every day for the rest of your one wild and precious life.

I cannot explain how devastating this is to me. Having one TV watching day in my back pocket for an especially low moment is one of the only things that keeps me going. I need to know that I can have one day per year where I will not complete any of my responsibilities without having it pre-validated by my workplace several weeks ahead of time. When I am not given it, I move through every day with 40 percent more burnout than usual.

To solve this problem, I feel that we should be allocated one to three 'I need to not do this today because of the stress of adult life' days. You might say Erin, that's what requesting time off is for, but you would be wrong, because these are for day-of 'I truly cannot be here' moments. You will not have to explain it to your manager, nor will you have to text everyone on the schedule to see if someone can cover your shift since your manager does not feel like finding coverage. You just say 'I am taking my fuck this place day,' and then you go back to sleep. We have spent a long time working ourselves into the ground. It's time to make space for every human being's god-given right to watch Full House for an entire day once per year. I'm willing to dress like Stephanie Tanner and speak before the House Committee on Education and Labor to make this happen. 

I'll even wear the vest.