I watched the first ten episodes of the l word and: what is happening?

 Hello. I watched the first ten episodes of The L Word. Here are my thoughts.

 

the low rise jeans of it all

1. What is Tina's accent supposed to be? It's so strange! I googled it and the actress who plays her is from North Carolina, but her accent doesn't sound North Carolinian at all. It just sounds like me when I have to go to Virginia for something and I add a slight twang to my voice because I naively think people will be less likely to hate crime me. 

2. Who is Jenny's writing...for...? Does anyone enjoy the trippy scenes with the dramatic voiceover? I hate them! When the screen starts to get hazy, I'm like, oh my goooooood, put me out of my misery now. I don't want to know what Jenny wrote. Leave it to the imagination, please. 

3. I don't understand the cold opens. I get that each cold open ties into the rest of the show somehow....but half the time it barely ties in. Also -- I don't want them! Give me a cold open with jokes, or give me nothing! These are awkward as hell!!!

4. Here's what I don't get about Shane. Her hair is bad, and her outfits are even worse. She always seems to be wearing bellbottoms with a shirt that involves lacing in some way. Yet, I have to admit, she is hot. I don't understand how. She shouldn't be! But she is.

5. Oh, my god, I can't imagine anything worse than Bette and Tina's group therapy. People with insurance: is this what group therapy is like? Because if so, holy shit! Why is this random stranger coming at Bette? Is group therapy secretly just fight club?

Is this an elaborate setup where she and that girl gonna have sex? I kind of hope so, because then at least it would be going somewhere...but don't tell me.

6. Tina quitting her job to get pregnant is the most insane rich people bullshit I have ever heard in my life. First of all....no one quits their job to 'get pregnant'!!! Do you know how long getting pregnant takes? It can take a long time! Secondly, people don't even quit their jobs upon becoming pregnant! This storyline feels so implausible! It would make sense if she were like 'Now I can devote time to my art!' or something. But she seemingly does nothing all day? Also....you're living on a small museum director's salary, in that house? 2004 was different, I guess.

7. Why is Tim constantly hanging out at The Planet? Isn't it a lesbian coffee shop? Yet he's always just running in there to grab something. Also he has a weirdly high number of lesbian friends but then when Jenny cheats on him he's like, "I ALWAYS KNEW YOU DYKES WERE EVIL!!!" Which dykes, sir? The barista from the coffee shop you always fucking go to and your married neighbors?

8. Sorry to turn this into a ragging on Tina fest, but has she ever made a decision or done anything other than taken a nap or gone out for coffee with Alice? Please get a hobby!!! Any hobby!!! Also Bette will be like 'Hey Tina, can we have slight initiative to get literally any task done?' And Tina's like 'All I know is early 2000s dress and bad jewelry, call you in the middle of the day and be cryptic, and be weirdly into alternative medicine :^)" 

9. WOW speaking of Tina, she was mad racist in like episode one saying she didn't want her kid to be black, and then she's like 'oh I changed my mind' and they don't talk about it again? You should probably talk about it!!!!! 

10. What kind of job does Alice have where she seems to literally never have to be at work? Isn't she a writer? How is she constantly getting coffee for hours in the middle of the day and chatting? Is that normal?

11. Shouldn't Dana like...have to travel for games occasionally? Or...play a game...ever? Just a thought!

12. Why is Shane the only marginally androgynous person on this show? She's not even that androgynous! There is no one butch? In what world! I know there were butch people in 2004. I read Alison Bechdel. 

13. Jenny is constantly acting like she got too high and/or drunk. It's incredibly unpleasant and I don't understand why our lesbians tolerate it. I would not stand for that shit.

14. I don't have time to get into everything I have to say about the fashion, but oh, my god. The low rise jeans! The chunky highlights! The never matching outfits! The hats (somehow they're always bad??). I don't understand how anyone had sex in 2004. Everyone looks bad. It bums me the hell out. 

15. I can't believe Snoop Dog played someone named Slim Daddy. Give him a retroactive Emmy.

xoxo, 

evt